Needing vs. Wanting: Reclaiming Your Power in Validation
- Jan 18
- 2 min read
We all know the feeling. That tight, anxious knot in your chest when you’re waiting for a reply, a nod, or a "good job." It’s a universal human experience to seek connection. We are wired to want to be included, accepted, and seen.
But recently, in my own work with my coach, I stumbled upon a distinction that shifted everything for me. It’s the profound difference between needing validation and wanting it.
When we are in the energy of needing validation, we are often handing over the keys to our own self-worth. I realized I was seeking approval from sources that, frankly, had very little bearing on my actual life or happiness. In that space of "need," the relationship becomes imbalanced. I found myself contorting, shrinking, or performing, not being my true self, just to secure that hit of approval. It’s a disempowering place to stand, where your stability depends entirely on someone else’s reaction.
Juxtapose that with the energy of wanting validation.
The shift is subtle, but the feeling is entirely different. When we "want" validation, we are operating from a place of choice and free will. We are discerning. We consciously decide whose opinion matters to us and why.
In this place, you retain your power. You can acknowledge that, yes, it feels wonderful to be liked and considered. That is human! But you also get to decide how much of yourself you are willing to give to get it. You aren’t trading your authenticity for a gold star. You are simply sharing your work or your heart with the hope, but not the requirement, of acceptance.
A Shift in Stance
When we move from needing to wanting, the dynamic changes completely. We stop waiting for permission to exist and start showing up as our full selves.
Needing says: "I must be approved of to be okay."
Wanting says: "I am okay, and I would love for you to see me."
Centering Your Own Experience
If you are standing on this cusp today, feeling the pull of approval-seeking, I invite you to pause and center yourself. Ask:
Who am I giving my power to right now?
Is this a "need" that feels heavy, or a "want" that feels like a choice?
What would it look like to validate myself first?
Let's Explore Together
I’m curious to hear your take on this. Where do you notice the difference between needing and wanting validation in your own life? Are there specific areas, like work, relationships, or creative projects, where the "need" creeps in more than the "want"?
Drop a comment below or share your thoughts. And if you’re finding yourself stuck in the "need" and ready to shift into a more empowered stance, let’s talk. Book a free chemistry session, and let’s explore what reclaiming your power could look like.
